At all ages teachers see behaviors which cause worry and concern. The central question is how to know whether these behaviors are "red flags" which require intervention. Should you act now or later? What is the appropriate response?
NO CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR
This is the biggest "red flag" of all. Divorce is such a profound change in a child's life that it is notable when there are no behavioral consequences in the school environment. However, it is not unusual to hear of kids at school whose grades remain good, behavior excellent, and peer relationships unchanged. Although they appear to be coping well initially, many of them start having considerable difficulty one, three, five, or even ten years down the road. This finding is documented in many long-term studies, e.g. Wallerstein, Ahrons, Kalter, etc.
The reason for this finding is complex. For some children divorce actually creates an improvement in their lives as it offers a respite from tension, hostility, or abuse in the family. But the odds are that the child who shows no change in the face of the stress brought on by divorce is likely repressing feelings or using school as a focus to avoid sorting out the rest of life and beneath the surface there are problems waiting to happen. These children are easy to overlook but they deserve as much or more attention than the child who is acting out. It is unfortunately a small number of children who suffer minimal disruption from a divorce with both parents remaining involved and avoiding serious financial or custody conflicts.
The following are a list of other red flag behaviors that teachers need to evaluate in the context of the divorce:
CHANGES IN PUNCTUALITY
May reflect chaos at home, including having to assume too many responsibilities for home chores or caring for siblings and even parents themselves. Being late may be an early sign of school phobia which reflects fear and guilt at leaving the remaining parent alone. Finally the inability to meet normal time deadlines may be a sign of depression.
CHANGES IN COMPLIANCE
May reflect rebellion against authority, an attempt to be more in control of life, or a newfound distrust and anger with adults.
CHANGES IN CLASS PARTICIPATION
May reflect acute depression or decrease in self-esteem. However, it may be more a product of a disrupted work week involving two homes and/or inadequate access to the parent who is most helpful with homework.
CHANGES IN PEER RELATIONSHIPS
--(1) May take over as the class clown, gang leader, or become a bully as a way to seek to be in control and to gain attention from others.
--(2) May join a group as a passive member in an effort to be cared for in a way no longer available at home.
--(3) May withdraw from many or all relationships out of embarrassment or an effort to isolate
--(4) May focus all attention on one relationship-girlfriend/boyfriend, "best friend", befriender.
CHANGES DOWNWARD IN ACHIEVEMENT
May reflect an inability to cope with sadness or anxiety about the uncertainty of the future, inadequate time/space to do homework, tiredness that limits athletic performance, or distraction due to the emotional stress of ongoing parent conflict.
CHANGES TO SUPERACHIEVEMENT
May reflect the child's efforts to compensate for feelings of fault, to make the parents happy, or to convince them to get back together again.
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